We've been freshening up the official FMI site lately, and as usual we've found it a little tricky: everyone in the company loathes consultancy jargon (what, for instance, can "incentivizing the synergy" possibly mean? The answer of course is that it means precisely nothing, and while I understand the desire not to spill all one's secrets to one's competition, there is still no excuse for that sort of appalling assault on what I've found to be a remarkably useful language), but breezy chatter ne'er won fair governmental contract, as it were. Even Apple only goes so far: a contraction here and there to be sure, but on the whole it displays a ruthless efficiency I find entirely admirable.
One of the benefits of owning the company is getting to write the first draft of the website copy yourself; one of the drawbacks is having to be mature enough to accept emendations from your staff. I'm quite pleased with my version, though, so allow me to share some excerpts, the ones the lawyers and the PR people told me, in those hushed tones that mean "you're paying us far too much money for us to let you screw yourself over like this", were perhaps "a little too ... informal even for FMI's corporate culture".
Founding
FMI was founded in 2003 with an eye to getting lots of government contracts. We've since expanded into getting lots of international contracts too; hence our new office in Seattle, with its particular focus on the Asian markets, not to mention the delights of Vancouver and its ready access to the Right Sort of People.
Executives
We have them. We think they're nifty. Pay no attention to rumours of recent turnover in the ranks.
Path/Roadmap/Where We're Headed
Making lots of money. Screwing over the NID. Being smug. Stealing contracts from Nielson-Mitchell.
Careers
We want more nifty people. In particular, we want you, and you'd be surprised what we're not picky about.
But in the end pessimism won out: I have serious doubts whether the American government could be trusted to recognize humour if it slapped them in the face, and as I said, we do want their money.
One of the benefits of owning the company is getting to write the first draft of the website copy yourself; one of the drawbacks is having to be mature enough to accept emendations from your staff. I'm quite pleased with my version, though, so allow me to share some excerpts, the ones the lawyers and the PR people told me, in those hushed tones that mean "you're paying us far too much money for us to let you screw yourself over like this", were perhaps "a little too ... informal even for FMI's corporate culture".
Founding
FMI was founded in 2003 with an eye to getting lots of government contracts. We've since expanded into getting lots of international contracts too; hence our new office in Seattle, with its particular focus on the Asian markets, not to mention the delights of Vancouver and its ready access to the Right Sort of People.
Executives
We have them. We think they're nifty. Pay no attention to rumours of recent turnover in the ranks.
Path/Roadmap/Where We're Headed
Making lots of money. Screwing over the NID. Being smug. Stealing contracts from Nielson-Mitchell.
Careers
We want more nifty people. In particular, we want you, and you'd be surprised what we're not picky about.
But in the end pessimism won out: I have serious doubts whether the American government could be trusted to recognize humour if it slapped them in the face, and as I said, we do want their money.
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